we're ordinary people

Hello all my dearest readers! I have been an epic failure at posting much at all while I was on vacation. There were a couple of times at the beginning of the week when I seriously thought about posting but near the end of the week I was honestly just too busy. Wait, did I tell everyone I wasn't doing a darned thing while I was on vacation? Yes, yes I did say that. If anyone was following my twitter/myspace/facebook, though, you would have seen I ended up doing a whole lot more than I planned. What all did I do? Well...

I went to Kings Dominion on Friday. Actually, it was me and mom. We had a really good time. It was neat because I could look at mom and go "I'm not riding that thing. It scares me and I get zero rush from it so no" and she'd be like "I'm not riding those wooden coasters. I'm too *bleeping* old." and we'd both be like "cool". It wasn't too hot. I got a little bit sunburned but you'll have that when you pretty much glow in the dark you're so white.

On Thursday Fly taught me to..well...fly fish. I am SO bad at it but he swore I'm a champ. He drug me all over a river somewhere in Virginia where he kept point things out going "does that remind you of something off wrong turn or what?". It was a really great time. When we were going out separate ways he looked at me and was like "how about dinner next time? I won't make you do this every time we go out"...I'd like to point out I nearly jumped out of my skin with a wee bit of happiness.

Wait Susan...who is Fly? Fly is...prepare yourself...the guy my parents have been trying to set me up with. He is hilarious. He's also a really good sport and really nice. When I failed repeatedly miserably at casting he had me stand in front of him, took my hand and the rod in his and basically casted for me. It was one of those very weird moments when the closeness of someone else can either make you very uncomfortable or not. This just wasn't. It was comfortable and just got more so the more times he did it. Later when I was psychoanalyzing myself I wondered if I didn't get any better through the day because I wanted him to keep "helping" me. Hrmm, eh?

Another thing different about this whole thing...I'm not trying at all to be anything other than plan ol' ordinary Susan. I'm clumsy and goofy and struggle with my foul mouth and hopeless romanticism. It's okay, though, 'cause he doesn't seem to mind.

How's everyone been? Back to reality for me Monday. Blah.

lately i'm so tired of waiting for you

I'm not sure who all follows me on twitter but yesterday I mentioned I was in an incredibly whiny mood. It goes along partially with why I haven't blogged on here in awhile. I get tired of myself whining and also get tired of reading my same crap (blah blah men blah blah work blah blah BLAH) over and over on here. Thus my solution is to not write. Last night I talked to our company shrink for over an hour about the things going on in my life. She did give me a really good compliment about being very observant and how I'd be really great at what I'm trying to do with my life (if I can ever get it done). She also warned me with all the mess financial stuff that's happened I'm very prone to thinking people are trying to screw me over when they're not. I saw an example of this myself last night at the grocery store but I didn't make a scene. I paid the boy who was completely consumed with something else with cash. He handed me my coupon and receipt which I tossed into my purse. Suddenly I was like "did he give me my change?"...it was only 41 cents but I seriously couldn't remember if it was included with the coupons/receipt. My brain honestly ached all the sudden while I was trying to remember. I decided 41 cents wasn't worth possibly making an ass out of myself so I just left.

Anyway, I've decided today I'm going to actually blog and do some in the fashion of all the things I'm tired of waiting for...

1. I am beyond tired of waiting for the police report I need to fix the business with the bank. It's ridiculous and I could very well go to jail today if the cop doesn't get the report to me. (Breathe, Susan)
2. 5 pm today. Please hurry up and get here. At that time I'll officially be off work for a full week of vacation goodness.
3. My numbers to be pulled on the lottery. Yes, it was illogical and all but I bought a lotto ticket last night and was like "just...please..." Perhaps it was more of a moment of desperation. I sat at the house last night and thought of how I'd spend the winning money (I didn't win, by the by)
4. Scale movement. Okay, this isn't entirely true. I weighed myself this morning and was only 26 pounds from my goal. That's not too shabby. I don't know how I'll do working out for my vacation, though, since I promised myself the one thing I would do was get caught up on sleep. I was thinking I'd go in to work in the mornings still but Belle pointed out to me people would probably catch me there and try to make me do work stuff. Thus, I'll have to find something else to do.
5. For lack of a better phrase, I will quote a boy band: "Quit playing games with my heart". I can blame no one but myself for this one. I'm up. I'm down. I'm in. I'm out. It's all me and I deserve whatever ends up coming of things. I am really tired of me setting me up for heartbreak, though, and shooting down the chances of happiness for the dream of bliss.
6. 5 pm today, again.
7. Jumby to make his grand entrance into the world. Okay, Belle isn't due until the end of December/early January but yeah. Maybe I'm more tired of waiting for August when we can find out if Jumby is a boy. Yes, I say we like it's my baby too.
   
8. $$ owed from work. The forbidden subject. I could really, really use it now though.

I think that's enough for now. It made me tired just talking about what I'm tired of waiting on. (har har har...Okay, typing "har har har" cracked me up too much. I am a pirate matey. Aaarrrggghhh)

It appears my layout isn't going to cooperate. Just click the image below to see the full thing.

...I couldn't agree more.

sometimes goodbye is a second chance

If you've been reading this blog for any amount of time you'll know I tend to be a bit hopeless on certain subjects. These things include rocket science, how to open most child proof bottles and of course men. Life hasn't been rolling around exactly how I'd like for it to lately. With everything mentioned in the previous entry plus the lack of getting some things from work I've been told not to depend on but still they will arrive, (Okay, must stop thinking about these things), I really haven't had a ton of time to worry about the last of those subjects...men.

Yes, before anyone mentions it, I have went out with a couple of people. There's the little thing of me basically kicking any of that stuff to the curb that I tend not to talk about too much. Coffee man just got creepier and creepier. Seriously, I can't even begin to explain how creepy. I know this might be hard to imagine but I really don't want a stalker. As much of an attention ho as I am I really don't need constant attention to the point of someone staring at my myspace page way...way...waaaay too much. Also, the whole Gator situation was amusing to work through but it never would have worked out. I don't need another man in my life where I continually say "God I wish you would grow up...". (no wonder I'm single, eh?)

Anyway, the parents are still trying to get me to go out with their pick. I talked to him yesterday for a bit. He's funny. He was busy this weekend, though, so we couldn't do anything. Part of me is like "okay, this could be an okay thing..."...but the other part is like "meh". I don't understand how I can be like this with myself. It's like in one moment I want to be with someone, anyone for that matter, and then the next moment I'm like...nah, let's stay single.

Back to the point, I was talking about not understanding things. I think I need to add "myself" to the list of things I don't understand. I wonder if part of me is waiting for something that doesn't want me to be here waiting. A part of me is wondering if what they say in the movie the wedding date is correct--we're only as happy as we want to be. Do I not want happiness somewhere in my brain? Do I want to be miserable? I really honestly don't think that's what I want. I think it all boils down to the fact I want something that I can't have. I want it badly and with every part of my heart and I just can't have it. ...and that sucks.

Do you believe in second chances? How about third or fourth chances? Are there times you've got to give up on something completely before it will work out? Will those things work out at all? When do you just give up? Better question, how do you just give up?

This post has turned out to be a bit random. I'm not sure what the point was when I started writing. Maybe I'll figure it out eventually.