how can I move on

I think my actual question is "how can I move...anywhere". I've done way better than I thought I would with getting up and coming in to work out before work this week. I actually made it in 5 out of 5 days. Today my body is sore. It's as if it's screaming "why? WHY must you put us through this??". I think it's honestly because each day I've pushed it a little harder to see just how much distance I can get in 20 minutes. Next week I'm debating either trying to get here a little earlier to tack on a few minutes or adding Tae Bo back into the mix after work. The problem with that is that by the time I get home all I want to do is nothing. My brain wants to turn off and just stare off into space. I do a load of laundry if need be, put the dirty dishes in the dish washer while doing the "do I need to run you" evaluation, pick up any random things I've left sitting around, pack my lunch for the next day and then watch whatever I have saved on DVR. (For the record, that's normally Dr. Who or Torchwood...today Ugly Betty & CSI will be added to the mix. Smallville would be included but I actually watched that live last night. I watched Supernatural too which whewwwie do I remember why I stopped watching it right before bed time. I was so creeped out I had to watch cartoons for an hour before I settled down) Back to the point, I just most of the time can't will myself to work out once I'm home from work. I'm going to do the work out videos this weekend because I'm not making a 30 minute commute just to work out. I'm not that determined. On top of that, we have a work out center where I live...I've just never ventured down there. Maybe I will this weekend.

I found out yesterday that someone I trusted is not trust worthy. That's a tough thing to swallow. Is it bad, though, to say I don't feel upset or betrayed? It's as if this has officially happened to me so often that my brain has built up a defense against me getting too upset over it. I just absorbed the initial shock of it happening, got pissed off, then let it go. It's another lesson learned--sadly it has to happen for us to really know who to trust. I think what still bothers me about it is that the whole thing has made my life uncomfortable. I'd got it to the spot where things were going well and someone I thought wouldn't had to throw some drama into the mix. That bugs me. I have a "piece of flair" that says "The Middle School Called--They Want Their Drama Back" but I rose above putting it somewhere visible this morning. I'll get fully over it. I'll forgive but never forget. That'd put the point of the lesson to pointless after all.

I didn't get to talk to Coffee Man last night. The paranoid part of me is convinced he's avoiding me and will not follow through on our plans. Note: I admitted this is the paranoid part. I guess I'll find out this evening because if we don't talk then no plans will be made and poof, no date. If that happens I will not get down. I will, instead, go spend the rest of the evening watching movies. I kind of need another weekend of doing a whole lot of nothing anyway. My brain is still trying to recover from being in a bunch of different locations. I'm trying to settle back down into a certain pattern of living. That pattern is a little scattered right now, though, with trying to figure out where all the pieces fit in my life. It kind of feels like if you put together a puzzle just to find out that you're missing 1 piece to finish it. You search desperately to find that piece but it turns out it was never included in the package. What crap is that, eh? However, it's how I feel. There is a piece missing and I can't find it...no matter how hard I search...Maybe I should buy a new puzzle.

Everyone have a great weekend. I've got a few loose plans--none firm as of this morning. What's everyone getting into? Has anyone started making big summer plans?