come back to me

I am so incredibly tired. It turns out one day of doing nothing after the weekend with lil' bit in Richmond just wasn't enough. Honestly, though, I still did stuff yesterday so I didn't just sit on my butt like I wanted to do. As a quick rundown, I had a great time in Richmond. The concert was really good and the crabcake sandwich I had was amazing! The next day we went to Kings Dominion and man was it a great time. They have a couple of new rollercoasters that are INSANELY fun. I'm debating buying a season pass there, that is, if I ever have money again. Next Saturday I'm heading to Pittsburgh with my family to watch a ballgame so it should be a good time. I'm sure I'll eventually have a weekend of doing nothing again but one isn't in sight right now.

Over the weekend I yet again had the conversation with someone regarding "why aren't you two together? there's such a connection there..." and wanted to tear my hair out. It's easy to see the good stuff from the outside but they don't know the bad stuff. They don't know about the lack of trust in certain aspects and the complete sense of pointless heartache that can attack you in the middle of the night. The conversation lasted almost two hours with them arguing with me not to give up a battle I've long ago lost. It made me wonder again if I'm sitting around waiting on someone to come back to me but...after basically not sleeping the past two days...I've decided the answer is no. I mean...okay...no, I'm not interested in anyone right now. I'm not out playing the game. I'm just floating along in my boat perfectly content with my lack of paddles. Some day it might bother me but today it doesn't.

Maybe I don't love myself enough yet to care. Maybe it's better if I just focus on the weight loss goal and ignore other things. (Current goal : 3 pounds in 2 weeks which will get me back to the weight I was before my mini vacation. Ugh...)

I have to believe things happen when they happen (or don't happen) for a reason. It's what keeps me going.